Twenty Years, Actually
by 27dayz
Summary: When Brass learns that Grissom has secretly loved Catherine for nearly twenty years, he decides that it is time that they made things right between them.


**AN: Just another GC fic. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any characters.**

**Twenty Years, Actually**

"She never noticed me," the salt-and-pepper-haired man stated, looking up at Captain Jim Brass with a forlorn expression, "After all these years, I was right there, waiting for her to come to me. She never did."

"And you killed her for it?" Brass prodded.

"Do you even know what it's like? Do you know how it feels to love someone with your whole heart only to have to watch her make mistake after mistake?" he asked, his voice slowly rising in volume, "I could take it! I couldn't just sit and watch as she wasted her time on bastards who never appreciated her, loved her, like I did!"

"So you shot her?" Brass yelled back, "Invited her over, and when she started talking about her new guy, you put a bullet in her head!"

"You don't understand!" he cried, putting his hands on his head and getting to his feet. He started to pace the room as images of the brutal murder flashed before his eyes, "I couldn't act as her friend! I couldn't listen as she rambled on about the prick that was probably hitting her or getting her high or fucking around behind her back! I couldn't! I loved her so much and it was killing me, hearing her talk about him, like he was innocent! I heard it so many times over the last fifteen years! Fifteen years! Do you even understand what it was like, loving her for that long and always getting burned? Do you?" he yelled, breathing hard as he beseeched Brass.

But before Brass could answer, the only other person in the room said, "I do," in a quiet, calm voice filled with pain. Gil Grissom stood up and moved between Brass and Dan Holland, their suspect in the cold-blooded murder of Kate Birch.

"Really?" Holland sneered at the Crime Scene Investigator, who, up until that point, had been silently taking in the investigation, "Have you loved someone for fifteen years? Have you had to endure that kind of pain, having your heart shattered time after time?"

Brass looked curiously at Grissom, wondering how his friend would respond. He wasn't under the impression that Gil had ever suffered in the same way as Holland. True, he had just had his heart broken when he and Sara ended their relationship, but that was hardly the same thing. Grissom's answer, however, sent Brass into shock.

"Twenty years, actually," Grissom said, staring evenly at the suspect. Brass gaped at his co-worker. He had always known about Grissom's long-standing friendship with Catherine Willows, but he never thought Grissom would have feelings similar to that of Holland. Sure, Brass had often wondered about the close relationship that his friends shared, but he knew that Gil Grissom was the last man to reveal those feelings.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Holland asked, "Don't you just want to end the pain? That's what I wanted. That's what I did."

When Grissom spoke, his voice was low and angry, almost like a growl, "Yes, it hurts," he said evenly, "And yes, I wish the pain would stop," and then his voice rose a little, "But I would rather put a bullet in my own head than even think about putting one in hers," he spat. Holland looked as if Grissom had hit him, but Gil merely brushed by him and out the door.

"Daniel Holland, you're under arrest for the murder of Kate Birch. You have the right…"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Brass found Grissom sitting in a dark office, just staring at a spot on the wall. Tentatively, Brass entered and sat in the chair across from him.

"Have you ever told Catherine how you feel?" he asked. Gil shook his head.

"Why not?" Brass prodded.

"It would never happen," Grissom stated matter-of-factly, "She would say, 'no' and that would be the end of our friendship and I can't risk that."

"What if she loved you back?" Brass asked. Grissom shook his head, but didn't say a word.

"You know, she was really upset when she found out about you and Sara," Brass ventured, watching his friend for a reaction, "She tried to be happy for you, but she was a bit let down. She tried to say it was because she thought you two were close enough to share your secrets, but I could tell that wasn't the only reason. Maybe she was hoping that when you wanted someone, it would be her."

Grissom looked up at Brass with his brow crinkled in confusion, "How do you know all of this, Jim?"

"After Sara was kidnapped and you guys had your relationship out in the open, Cath and I got to talking more and more. You were dealing with Sara and everything and Catherine needed a friend to talk to. She said that you and she hadn't been talking that much," Brass explained. Grissom closed his eyes and nodded a little. When he opened them, Brass saw nothing but pain on his friend's face.

"That was my fault. I-I thought that if…" Gil didn't seem to know how to finish that sentence.

"If you started a relationship with Sara, you would get over your feelings for Catherine?" Brass offered. Gil cringed and nodded.

"I was so alone and Sara…well, she was there and willing…" Gil looked up at Brass and searched for understanding, "I did care about Sara. I even loved her, but I think I just loved the idea of being with someone more. She cared about me, wanted me, but I still loved Catherine and it hurt so much, not talking to her, avoiding her…"

Jim nodded in understanding, "You couldn't give all of your love to Sara, but you didn't want to face rejection from Catherine."

"I took the safe road," Gil admitted, "And then it crumbled and it hurt. Then Warrick…and dealing with the aftermath of me and Sara. I can't deal with another blow."

"Is that why you never turned to talk to Catherine or any of us?" Jim asked. Gil nodded.

"What right did I have, asking for friendship when I know I haven't been too good at being a friend lately? Especially to Catherine," he said. Jim shook his head.

"You know, for being such a genius and all, you are really quite dense when it comes to these things," he said, "One of the best things about having friends is that even when you screw up, they'll always forgive you. Look at Cath. She's stuck by you all these years, no matter what. You know what she told me once? She said that she wished that you and she would get into an argument just so you two could make up and talk again."

"She said that?" Gil asked in surprise.

"Yeah. She really missed you, Gil, even though she saw you everyday. Now in my experience, when a woman sees you every day and still wants more, she's in love," Jim told him. Gil smiled.

"I missed her too," he said, "And I love her too."

"Tell her that," Brass said, gently clapping his friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Jim," Gil said sincerely.

"Hey, anytime. I never want things to get to the point where…" at this Brass mimed a gun shooting, "For either of you."

"Hey, there you two are," a familiar voice called from the doorway. Both men looked to the doorway to find Catherine Willows entering the office.

"How'd the interrogation go?" she asked, perching herself on the only clear corner of Grissom's desk. Jim smirked at this. Over the years, he had seen her sit on that corner numerous times. For a man who tried so hard to avoid Catherine for two years, Gil sure made a point in keeping that spot open for her.

"I'll let Gil field that one," Jim said, rising, "I have to get back to the station," he said, ignoring the look of panic that flashed on Gil's face.

"Alright," Catherine shrugged in confusion, and then turned to Gil, "So, what happened?"

"Holland admitted to killing her," he said. Catherine shook his head.

"I don't understand it. I thought he was supposedly her best friend," she said.

"He loved her," Gil told her, swallowing hard, "and after fifteen years of watching her be with men who didn't deserve her, he finally couldn't take the pain of not being the one she loved, so he killed her."

"That's so sad," Catherine murmured, and despite herself, she noticed the similarities between the case and her own relationship with Gil. Sometimes, she couldn't help but wonder about the tension between herself and her best friend, but she was safe in the knowledge that no matter what Gil felt, or didn't feel, he would never hurt her.

"I know," Gil sighed, "Sometimes I just don't understand people," then rising to his feet and taking a deep breath, he said, "This case really made me think."

"About?" Catherine prodded.

"When Holland was explaining why he killed Kate, because he loved her for fifteen years, I remember thinking, 'that's nothing,'" he said. Catherine's brow crinkled in confusion.

"Why?" she prodded. She noticed his sharp intake of breath and the way he tensed. He was nervous she realized. After a moment, he spoke.

"Because I-I've been in love with my best friend for twenty years," he confessed, letting out a shaky breath and looking at her feet. Catherine's head snapped up and there was pure shock on her face. For so long she wanted to hear those words. Not too long ago, she thought she'd never hear him say them.

"Really?" she asked in a whisper, standing right in front of him, forcing his gaze to meet hers.

"Yes," he confirmed. He saw the corners of her mouth curve upwards.

"I love you too," she got out. Gil felt his heart lift higher and higher. She loved him. A smile slowly spread over his face as he reached out and tentatively cupped her face. He felt her arms come up to his shoulders. Ever so gently, he pulled her face close to his as he leant into her. Their lips met in a gentle kiss that slowly grew in passion and intensity. He made it a point to pour his heart and soul in that kiss, to let her know the extent of his feelings. The best part was he could feel Catherine doing the same thing.

Eventually they broke apart for oxygen. Their eyes met and they smiled at each other, each wondering if this was a glorious dream.

"I can't believe this," he whispered.

"Me neither," she said back, "After all this time. After everything."

Gil nodded and pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes never leaving hers, "There's a lot we need to talk about and sort out," he told her, "but the sooner we do, the sooner we can make-up for everything."

"I like that idea," Catherine said, smiling, "Talk over dinner?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Gil told her, chuckling a little as he leaned in for another kiss.

There was a cough behind them and their heads snapped to the door. Jim was grinning sheepishly at the pair.

"Uh, sorry," he apologized, "I think my keys fell out of my pocket," he said, gesturing to the floor. Gil looked down and saw the offending items between him and Catherine. He reluctantly let go her and knelt to the floor. While he was down there, his eyes just so happened to look up Catherine's body to her face. He found himself wondering what she would look like from that angle with less articles of clothing.

"Gil, I think Jim needs his keys," Catherine was giggling down at him. He seemed to snap out of his daze. He stood up and tossed the keys to the detective, who was had mirth dancing in his eyes.

"I'll, uh, leave you two alone," Jim said, chuckling to himself before turning to leave. Now that is more like it, he thought to himself. It may have taken them twenty years to figure things out, but his two friends were finally getting it right. After twenty-years, things were finally as they should be.

The End

**Yes, finally as they should be. Please let me know what you think.**


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